In the world of all things happening at instant speed, we have fallen into the trap of immediate reactions. Like a game show where the person who presses the buzzer first gets to answer first, proving that they think faster than anyone else thus being the smartest one we react immediately in conversations.
I am guilty of this knee-jerk reaction communication method. Trying to solve problems before having heard the problem completely. Answering as fast as possible due to a belief that I have to prove my intelligence. This is something I am trying to work on and improve.
In a world where we can communicate instantaneously across borders with people from diverse backgrounds, cultures, and many other areas I cannot even start to write down, communication needs to be complete. Communication is not solving a problem. Communication is the transfer of information. It consists of many aspects. Sometimes there is a known goal to communicate, sometimes the goal is unknown.
In my small world, I have written the following list down on a post-it note and stuck it to my monitor. Pure simplicity underlies its effectiveness when I communicate with people.
Scenario: Someone is talking and you are listening. They say something that makes you want to react immediately, follow these steps:
Stop: Do not react
Be quiet: Silence allows people to finish their thoughts
Listen: Actively listen with all your attention
Write: Write your thoughts down
Think: Think about what you have written down and the next steps/actions
Of course, this can be adjusted in any way or form, however always do steps 1, 2, and 3.
The last 2 steps work well for me and it might work for you. Try it out for one week and adapt or throw it away if you see no benefit.
This is a very small gesture with which we can make the world a more inclusive place for all, including ourselves. Imagine if most people listened with complete focus to every word that you said.
An argument has been made that this will add too much time to communication. One has already spent the time to listen partially, if one does not complete it successfully then one has now wasted all the effort and in likelihood either lost the communication opportunity or in the future one will be forced to repeat the same communication process again.